Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Get Real

I have always thought of this little blog as not just a place to share pictures of the little with family and friends but to have an outlet. An outlet for thoughts, like a super public diary.

I like to write. Writing is part of my job. If I have something on my chest, I write. It is my outlet. So... here I write...

Last year was a hard year. Not hard in the fact of hurdles or huge life-changing events, but hard in the fact that I think I had to find myself again. The whole birth thing did a number on me. I just felt off. I felt stressed, overwhelmed and an overall emotional wreck. One second I would be a hormonal crazy woman wanting to scream at the top of my lungs and then I would just burst into tears.

I know they say women go through lots of changes after childbirth but I think the emotional part is something we don't talk about. We don't say you know what, your world has been rocked. Your body will never look the same, you may never have "me" time again... your life is just different now. We as women don't talk about it. We think admitting something is wrong is a fault; like we failed.
This is not a pity party by any means. This is a acknowledgement of my limits, faults and most importantly strengths. With all the downs, there are the ups. There are the ah-ha moments where you realize you are pretty blessed. You realize you need to stop comparing that instagram-worthy kitchen or realize those seventeen pins on how to lose your muffin top are pointless. It comes down to what makes you happy. Does that margarita make you happier than Zumba? Who cares if you own fifty pairs of shoes.  Just do you.

As you can read, there has been a lot of soul searching. Who am I? What legacy do I want to leave? What can I change to make myself happier? What do I want my daughter to think of me when she gets older?  I have realized I am who I am and I don't need any excuse for that. My mentor at work told me a few weeks ago to stay true to myself. She said that my reputation and hard work can supersede anyone who would try to break me down. It was kinda like a movie lightbulb as I cried in her office. I realized I need to stop trying to fit in a mold. I need to stop trying to be supermom, superwife, super-everything. I needed to just do me, ups, downs and all.

This post is not asking for a response. It was really for me to finally acknowledge I can be me and that is a-okay.

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