Having two kiddos is no joke. Some days I wonder if I will ever make time for myself, for my husband, for anything ever again. When Hampton hit three months life got tremendously easier, as big sister wanted to help out more and play more but still ... talk about non-stop from 6:30 am until they go to bed.
I truly don't think one can ever be balanced. There is always something that will take the backseat and I am learning to be okay with that. The hubs and I are trying to make more time for each other by taking advantage of having date nights when we can. I am also trying to find ways to incorporate 1-on-1 time with Mary Tilman as well. Whether that is a solo trip to the store or a fun craft, just giving her some undivided attention is usually the solution to most of our meltdowns (and lordy a three-nager she is). Balance--and perfection--is basically not possible and I have to be okay with that.
I haven't said anything to people other than family but I was laid off from my full-time job in late August...yes I work full-time in addition to J. Wills. It was a punch in this hormonal new-mother's gut. Even though I was one of 1,000 others, it still felt personal and was heart-breaking. Since then, I re-learned how to interview for job (talk about rusty) and re-learned my worth. I realized I am dang good at what I do and felt validated for it by receiving two great offers on the same day. I am happy to report I have started a new job and one with some great people and an even better role for me at this point in my life.
Tons of people asked me if I was going to stay home with the kiddos with this new found time and while I would love that, now is just not the time. Mary Tilman LOVES school and has learned so much more than I would have ever been able to teach her. Hampton also seems to thrive, which makes the after-school snuggles that much sweeter. My new team is extremely flexible and values family life which was a key factor in accepting my offer. So for now, I am doing the working mom hustle.
On the J. Wills front, business is doing fantastic as we are tripling our sales from last year. I have big dreams for this store and to accomplish that I need to continue expanding our customer base in addition to reinvesting in inventory and new lines. Prior to J. Wills, I had no retail experience so absolutely everything has been self-taught. I dove in head first and have loved every second. I have learned so much about running a business and have mad respect for fellow entrepreneurs. This third child of mine is still very much in a growth phase and a pure labor of love that is continuing to make me oh so proud.
I saved the real-ist for last and I can't believe I am sharing this much. Babies and hormones make me a crazy person and make me forget who I was before. I have anxiety and stress and sometimes don't know how to handle it. This on top of my job situation, I know I was less than ideal to be around these past few months.
Sadly, we as mommas and women don't ever talk about our struggles. We don't ever talk about the bad and feel like we should only share the good. I like to talk things out but it is hard to quantify exactly all the changes and feelings that come after a baby. Sometimes I felt so alone and other times I felt like I could squeeze my little nuggets because I love them so much. I felt like my to-do list would never be accomplished and I would never been content again.
These past few months have been a lot about reflecting and really seeing what is important. I have realized who my true "people" are and what I really want in life. I have also had to learn to truly live in the moment because it could completely change the next day.
Mommas out there... I know your struggle and it is time we finally feel the courage to say "I need some help." I need to find myself again, because really we all know how fun I was in college :). Joking aside, 2018 brings a big birthday for me and selfishly it is about finding myself again and loving every second of this life I have been blessed with.